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Reflections on the Ranch Blog: Most recent entries at top |
Before Thanksgiving
“Before” Thanksgiving
November 23, 2011
The day “before” Thanksgiving . . . What does that look like? When everything is stuck on hold, as if the Lord has pushed the pause button on all your hopes and dreams. The promises He’s spoken are suspended somewhere between here and there. You continue with the usual preparation activities . . . Prayer, fasting, and praise . . . And the daily tasks before you. So mundane, so-o-o-o wearying at times as your eyes gaze towards the promises just --- out --- of --- your --- reach!
But then He whispers, “Trust Me! I AM faithful!” Hope, blessed hope, rushes through your spirit and behold it is no longer the day “before” Thanksgiving -- it is THANKSGIVING “today”! . . . before the promises manifest, before the circumstances are changed, just because hearing His sweet voice, experiencing His delightful presence, and being His child is more than reason enough to be oh, so very THANKFUL!
“This is the day (when I wait for the promises of restoration to be fulfilled) that the Lord has made: we (as for me and my house) will rejoice (and praise Him before the promises) and be glad ( and very thankful) in it.” Psalms 118:24 (with Bonnie’s amplifications)
What precedes Thanksgiving day? . . . A grateful heart! Let’s praise our KING! He is worthy in any circumstances! May you be blessed as you have a wonderful time thanking the King!
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Changing Seasons
We all have seasons in our lives just as there are seasons of the year. Sometimes it's spring, where everything seems so fresh and new. And at other times it's winter, and we begin to think the sun will never shine. But then all of a sudden God sends His Word, or manifests His presence and release and breakthrough come! That happened for me Saturday through a prophesy that I received. Nothing changed in the natural, but I know that I know a change has taken place in the spirit realm! We are at the end of a very hard 7 year long, season of draught and famine, where everything that could be shaken has been shaken! When the Lord told me that it was over, I cried like a baby with a heart overcome with gratitude and relief! One of the things that relieved me more than anything else was that I had survived this season without failing my Sweet Jesus! Through this season, I've wanted a lot of things. . . release, restoration, and end to the agony. . . but of late only one thing seemed to matter. My heart's desire was to "be found faithful" (I Corinthians 4:2)! I had got to the point that nothing else really mattered! All I wanted was to hear Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant. . ." ( Matthew 25:23)! I just want to encourage you in the season you're in. If you, like me, have been in a wilderness of pain. Do not dispair! Your season will change! God is so very faithful! "For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future!" Jeremiah 29:11
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Blessed Meal
Blessed Meal
God is the God of blessings! Sunday before last, two couples got together and blessed us with a meal in the church social hall. And what a meal it was: fried cubed steak smothered in gravy, creamed potatoes, green beans, fresh sliced tomatoes, yeast rolls, with lemonade to drink. While, another couple who had heard what they were doing asked how could they help, and they then furnished two cakes for dessert. Now to most people that may not sound like much, but to me it was a blessing indeed!
I have to start thinking Saturday night what I’m going to prepare for Sunday lunch, because there’s no way to get up Sunday morning get 14 of us ready, cook lunch, and get to church anywhere close to on time. Then at church after Praise and Worship I teach Worshipping Warriors (children’s church) for 20 plus kids, so I’m wiped out by the time we get home. So, to sit down to a meal in the church social hall without even having to consider how or what to fix was a blessing beyond words! I was so humbled and grateful to these dear couples who blessed us. It brings tears to my eyes even now! Thank You Jesus!
As we talked and fellowshipped over lunch, which is truly another luxury for me, this dear sister blessed me even more by what she said. Her words were something like this and I’m paraphrasing as accurately as I can remember. She said that we all were called to adoption! And if she wasn’t called to the day in day out care of the children, then she certainly was called to support us as an adoptive family to ease our load in any way she could! I cried! Wow! Now this sister has Father’s heart!
My prayer is that the Church would get this sister’s revelation and put feet to it. I’m not saying this because we are an adoptive family. I’m saying it because we truly are all called to ADOPTION! Father started it when He adopted all of us. It’s His heart’s work! Making Homes for the Homeless!
I saw a billboard the other day that read “Lovingly support and encourage a breastfeeding mom!” I thought, “Lord, I want to make some that say : ‘Lovingly support and encourage an adoptive family!” I get emails all the time from hurting, lonely adoptive moms. Body of Christ, please help me minister love to these dear ones!
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Compliment of Compliments
We had a visitor a few weeks ago that really blessed me. This lady is a DFCS worker from another county who had heard of us through a mutual friend. She said that she really didn't even know why she was here except she just felt like she was supposed to come. She works with and is around foster children every day, so she is fully aware of the trauma and emotional battering that foster children suffer. After visiting with us for an hour or so, interacting with the children, and talking to us, she paid us the most wonderful compliment. She said, "I don't mean this taking away from you in any way, but THIS IS GOD!"
My soul rejoiced! That is exactly what I want the world to see and say, "This is God!" I love it! May Father be glorified in the work here at Refuge Ranch! May more and more children experience the healing power of Jesus Christ as we step into this new aspect of teaching others how to minister to the needs of hurting children!
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Angel Princess Janiah
Birthdays are a perfect time to remind little girls that they are Princesses! Obviously, Janiah Melina Walker has got the message! She is 4 years old today, and has taken full advantage of being our Angel Princess! What a precious gift God has entrusted into our care.
Janiah loves to dance and sing. She begs to go to church so that she can dance before the Lord! Like most little girls, she loves to dress up and primp, paint her fingernails, and wear mama's lipstick. She also likes to color with crayons and markers. I tell her that she has the "go-itus". I believe she inherited it from her big sister, Menorah. It's highly contagious and can be easily diagnosed by the repeated symptom spewing forth from the mouth of "I wanta go! I wanta go!" The cure is a lot harder to nail down though.
Janiah also likes to help read and look at books. She loves giving hugs and kisses, playing with her baby dolls, and her new doll house that she got for her birthday. She's Mama's Sweetheart and Twinkle Toes and Daddy's Pumpkin Seed. She likes to watch Dora, Fresh Beat Band, and Barney.
Now Janiah may sound like just a normal little girl to you, but her life has been anything but normal. She was 2 1/2 years old when she came home to us, and I made the 4th mama figure she'd had in her short little life. She has experienced so much emotional healing during the past 18 months. She was painfully shy and introverted. Recently, she went to town with me. She smiled and spoke to the sales lady. Janiah told the lady, 'hey', 'thank you', and 'bye'. I know that doesn't sound like much, but when she first came she couldn't even pick her head up and look at people. And you couldn't pry her from my arms when she was upset. So yeah, she's come a long way, but God's not finished with her yet.
When we adopt the children God usually gives us a new name to call each child, not so with Janiah! I kept praying and seeking, but Heaven was silent. Finally, I got the brilliant idea that I needed to look her name up and see what it means. It is a Hebrew name which means "GRACE of GOD"! I started laughing, and exclaimed, "I don't think we'll touch that!" So, we settled for giving her a middle name, Melina, which means 'Honey'. She is covered by the Grace of God and is as sweet as honey! And loved beyond words!
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Virtual Reality vs. Truth!
I've had a struggle defeating a lie of the enemy! It's caused a major -- what most writer's would call -- writer's block! See the enemy has repeatedly told me that my writing doesn't bless anyone, no one reads it, and it doesn't affect other's lives! The Lord had told me over a year ago to start blogging frequently! I said I would, but then didn't! Yuk ! Sin! I've made every excuse about my time, or lack thereof . . . how many of you know that Father doesn't tell us to do things that we do NOT have time to do. The real problem hasn't been time. Honestly, it's about the value of my writing, or more accurately my "preceived" value of my writing.
Father's been dealing with me about "virtual reality" vs. TRUTH! Virtual reality is what things seem like or how I feel, my emotions about a given subject! But TRUTH, is what Father says about any given subject or situation! For example you can log on the internet and take virtual tours of almost any famous tourist attraction, it may give you the feeling of being their and having visited that far away place, but the truth is. . . you're still sitting in front of your computer! Applied to my writing, this is where I've been, feeling like my writings haven't benifited others so why waste the time (my virtual reality). But Truth is Father would never have me writing something just to waste time.
The Lord has used many of you over the past couple of weeks to reveal the truth to me. I thank you for your emails & phone calls! You have blessed me out of my virtual reality and into the Truth! Especially the couple from the United Kingdom who shared that they missed my newsletters, and that God had used us to inspire them to set up an adoption organization there in the UK to encourage Christian's to consider making room for one more child in their families. It makes me cry even now!
God's word says that you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free! (John 8:32) So, I repent! And I've decided that even if I don't feel like my writings are helping others. . . I'm going to simply OBEY and leave the results to Jesus! I can't go wrong with that!
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A Mother's Heart
Four more to adore! April 8th, 2011 will be marked on our calendar as a day to remember, along with several other similar days -- Adoption Days! Menorah Christina Isabella Walker (11), Noah Elisha Walker (10), Daniel Silas Walker (8), and Janiah Melina Walker (3) made their memorable trip to the courthouse to see the judge sign his name on a paper making their adoptions nice and legal. As always there was the usual perplexed child questioning afterwards, “That’s all there is to it?” Court proceedings can be quite boring to excited little ones. They don’t seem to grasp the magnitude of the meaning of that signed piece of paper. They were far more interested in getting home and enjoying their long awaited adoption party complete with decorations, cake & ice-cream, and the infamous extra large stuffed animal hunt. A Walker tradition that lives on! We hide one huge stuffed animal for each child and then use riddles to locate each child’s new friend. It is tons of fun!
While the children seldom understand any further than, “Now we never have to leave.”, this mother’s heart knew the full implication! There would be no more separation for these four precious siblings. Noah ,whom the Lord has healed so miraculously that he’s went from 5 meds a day to absolutely none, would never again be thrown in the back seat of a police car and hauled off to a children’s home where he could not see a familiar face nor hear a familiar voice for two and a half weeks. Menorah won’t, ever again, have to live in fear of not being wanted by her mama or wondering if her siblings will always be together. Daniel, diagnosed with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), won’t have to live the rest of his life not knowing what it’s like to be hugged. He freely gives and asks for hugs now! Jesus’ Glory heals again! Thursday night before the adoption he asked me, “Mama, do you mind me saying, ’Mama, I love you?’” I laughed and said, “No, I certainly do not!” He replied, “Ok! Mama, I LOVE you!” And little Janiah isn’t waking up throughout the night crying tormented with nightmares. She’s blossoming beautifully as she too heals emotionally. Yeah, the kids may not understand, but I sure do. I just explained that signing that paper was just a way of telling the world what God had already done in our hearts. It didn’t seem like a big deal because God had already done the BIG deal when He knit out hearts together!
People want to know “Why? Why so many? Why do you keep adopting? Isn‘t 3 biological children, 22 adopted children, and one foster child enough?” All I can say is that the love of God compels me! When Noah, who was in my children’s church class at the time, wrapped his arms around my waist looked up at me and said, “I wish you were my mama.” I felt a hand grab my mother’s heart and give it a squeeze. When Menorah at VBS, looked at me and said, “I wish I could live at your house.” my heart contracted again. When little Noah, as a very small 8 year old, came across the church dragging baby Janiah to me like a love offering, seeming to imply without words, “See if you adopt me you could have my beautiful baby sister as well.” , my heart recognized the longing within his own. And watching sweet Daniel lose his smile and become almost catatonic because of excessive medications, wretched my heart beyond words. I did not go out and look for these four. God literally dumped them in my lap! Why? Why not! Why so many? How many is too many? Why do I keep adopting? Because my loving Abba, says to care for the orphans. Isn’t that reason enough? He gave everything He had to make a way for me to be adopted into His family! He loves me so much that He sacrificed His Best so that I could have a forever Daddy who loves me even, and especially, when I mess up! He’s spending great wealth to build me a permanent home with Him. Why shouldn’t I give, and sacrifice, and spend to do the same for these little ones that need it? I want to be like Him. He has taught me that you don’t divide love. It multiplies! Love doesn’t get smaller the more it’s given, but it increases as it’s given away!
A few weeks ago, a lady questioning me about the kids, the numbers, the impossibility of caring for so many, etc. began to do mental Math out loud. She was reasoning that okay, I had 26 kids and there are only 24 hours in a day, so that was not even one hour per day that I could possibly spend with each child. I listened and then agreed with her as I shared a secret of my mothering heart. No one has to tell me that I couldn’t possibly meet all the needs of 26 children. I know that without any doubt! That is why this mother constantly prays, “ Oh, Sweet Father, as You multiplied the 5 loaves and 2 fish and fed over 5000 people, please take my meager efforts, my crumbs of love, and meet the needs of my children, all my children, in Jesus’ name!”
One thing I’ve learned for sure -- He is faithful! And I am so very grateful, that He’s chosen me as the privileged one, blessed with four more to adore!
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Answered Prayer
In God's amazing upside-down Kingdom, He often sends answers in ways that we never dreamed. For the past 6 or 7 years I've bombarded Heaven with prayers like, "Lord, burn up everything in me that's not You!", "Purify me Lord, create a clean spirit within me!", "Lord, please, cleanse me so that I'll be like You and satan can find nothing in me." . . . and so forth. I've even prayed repeatedly asking Father to please help me be love like He is love, even & especially, when I'm tired and exhausted. Never realizing that for that to happen, I would have to have a time of practice! Right? Right! Duh!
Well, one night this week, after getting up 5 or 6 times with kids for various and asundry reasons, the next morning in the midst of my exhaustion, I was having a major pity-party. (Yeah, I know I'm too old for such, but nevertheless that's where I was on this particular morning!) My pity-party and exhaustion were compounded due to the fact that I had 8 kids to take to the doctor in just a matter of a couple of hours (an exhausting job under normal circumstances). So in the middle of this I cried out to God, and asked Him a really dumb question (or maybe it wasn't so dumb after all!). I asked, "Why did You do this to me?" Softly Holy Spirit replied, "You asked." "I what?" Then Holy Spirit reminded me of all the prayers that I've prayed about being pure and holy like my sweet Jesus. Oops! There I go again, asking . . . expecting 'it' to look one way and when it arrives it looks completely different than what I expected.
My flesh wanted to scream, "Okay, I declare that prayer null and void." , but I could not! More than I want my way, what's easy, what's comfortable, I want to be pure and holy for my sweet Jesus! So, I just prayed, "I surrender, Lord. Do what You must do, but please do a quick work." Then I had to smile at even that, because Holy Spirit nudged me with the realization that the length of time really depends on me. How willing I remain to let Him do the pruning and purging in me! My cry, "Not my will, but YOURS!"
So I thank God for answered prayer . . . even when it doesn't look or feel like I thought it would!
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Love Kills
Lately, I've been overwhelmed with Father's love as He's called us back into foster care for a very special sibling group of five little ones, ages 10, 9, 7, 2, and a newborn! As I've loved and nurtured these little ones, there have been times that I've felt as if my heart would burst with love. One day I remember thinking, if love could kill I'd be dead! Very softly, Holy Spirit whispered, "Love did kill." Then revelation began to flow. Love killed Jesus. He loved so much that He died -- for me, for you! Wow! He let love for me consume Him to the point that He died to all His wants, desires, and even His needs so that I might live.
Loved killed alright. It killed everything in Him! Father, may Your love consume me so that I, like Jesus, would be willing to lay down everything in me, so that these little ones will live for You. May I more and more be a walking dead woman. Dead to my desires and wants! Make me to be Love poured out for You, in Jesus' name!
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